


Not the Man He Thought He Was

by websthetics



Category: Kissing in the Rain (Web Series)
Genre: Agender Character, Gen, Other, Queer Character, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 11:51:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2228004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/websthetics/pseuds/websthetics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James struggles with his gender.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

James is starting to second guess whether he really wants to enter the world of romantic leads. On the one hand, he does because of all the career opportunists that will come from it. He is so passionate about acting he couldn’t imagine doing anything else. On the other hand, there is something that ascribes so much to societal interpretations of being a man about chasing a woman up slippery stairs and violent declarations of love. It’s that kind of masculinity that James had never understood, but he still manages to act it perfectly because that’s what he does. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s working with so talented and beautiful an actress as Lily. He just wishes that she isn’t so callous when they aren’t working. Then maybe he can explain that the tongue incident was a product of being too much into this hyper-masculine character. Then maybe he can explain that all of his awkward conversation was because he is having new revelations about how he doesn’t feel so much like a man. But how is this possible, he definitely, definitely likes girls, always has. He is just so confused by everything, if only he had someone to talk to, to sort out his mixed up feelings.


	2. Chapter 2

James: Hey Sirius, I’ve been wanting to talk to you.  
Sirius: Yeah, what about?  
James: Well it’s a bit uncomfortable…  
Sirius: You know I won’t judge you for anything you say. Unless you’ve killed someone. You haven’t killed anyone, have you?  
James: *laughs* No I haven’t. *pause* Well, Sirius, you know about queer… stuff, right?  
Sirius: Yeah. *pause* Why do you ask that?  
James: I guess I wanted to ask you what you know about… men…. who aren’t men?  
Sirius: What do you mean by that James?  
James: Well, I’ve always been a man but I realized when being in that one film, the one with Lily- anyway, the character was this masculine dude. And I realized while playing him that I don’t feel like that. I don’t particularly feel like anything at all. But I’ve always been… but at the same time I’ve never been…  
Sirius: Hey, don’t freak out. It’s perfectly normal to feel this way. So, it sounds to me like you don’t quite fit with the gender you were assigned at birth.  
James: Cause I don’t feel like a man but I definitely don’t feel like a woman?  
Sirius: *laughs* Those aren’t the only two options James!  
James: Wait! What!  
Sirius: There’s a whole bunch of genders that fall under the category of non-binary. Or genderqueer if you will. That’s what I’ve heard from my genderqueer friends.  
James: So what would it be called if I don’t feel any gender at all?  
Sirius: I believe the term is agender. But I think there’s other similar terms like androgynous or neutrois.  
James: Agender. *pause* That’s so perfect! I can never thank you enough. But I still only like girls so does that mean I’m still straight?  
Sirius: Well, identify however it makes you feel comfortable. But you could just say that you're attracted to women.  
James: Alright then, thanks so much for this.  
Sirius: I’m happy to help. *phone rings* Hang on, it’s my boyfriend- *answers phone* Hey there pooch, what’s up?- That’s great, hon.- James is here right now.- Perfect.- Love you. *ends call* He’s picking up some dinner on his way, care to join?  
James: That’d be great! But remem-  
Sirius: Of course he’s bringing food that won’t kill you. We don’t want to spend the night watching you puke to death on our kitchen floor.


	3. Chapter 3

After James started thinking of himself as agender it was so much easier to go about life. He didn’t feel tangled up in confusion anymore. He found that it was easier to act because he focused on the characters as people instead of stereotypes of men he had concocted in his subconscious. He was even starting to feel less awkward around Lily, although she continued to be mean to him. He didn’t see why, he was nothing but nice


	4. The Wrap Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After episode three

What really bothered James about the wrap party was, well, it wasn't something he'd ever noticed before but by his third drink he had a sad realization. After he downed it while standing and chatting and someone said to James, "There's a good man" he realized that everyone thought of him as a man. Everyone in this business would always think of him as a man because to say that he was agender would ruin his career. He needed another drink.

To James's chagrin, Lily was at the bar and he was not in a state to deal with her prickliness. He got his drink and then left to go schmooze with people who would misgender him for all eternity.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Incomplete chapter. Set after Audrey gets her new place.

Audrey: Hey James, what're you doing here?  
James: Uh... I... uh, wanted to see how you're doing?  
Audrey: Wow and you willingly left Lily's side?  
James: Oh shut up.  
Audrey: I know you didn't come here to see how I'm doing so really why are you here?  
James: I want to tell you something.  
Audrey: ohmygod is Lily pregnant?  
James: No! What the fuck, Audrey? No!  
Audrey: Did you propose to her? Are you going to get married?  
James: No! No, Audrey, will you just shut up and be serious for just one minute.  
Audrey: mehmehmeh James wants to be serious. We could invite Sirius and-  
James: I'm not joking around, Audrey. I'm really nervous about what I'm about to say.  
Audrey: Okay, I'm sorry. Seriously. Just tell me, it's okay.  
James: I just figured that you would understand, with you being bi and all...  
Audrey: What! James are you bi too?! Awesome! Now we can invite Sirius and-  
James: Audrey! Can you keep your mouth closed long enough   
for me to talk?  
Audrey: Okay. Alright. Sorry.  
James: Well... um... I'm agender.  
Audrey: But that's so cool. You know I still think you're the bees knees, the raddest brother around- hmm well I guess it would be sibling? I don't know, which word do you like better?  
James: I guess I like sibling better, but I don't really know either. I haven't told that many people. And, well, people can't know, because, well...  
Audrey: Media scrutiny, yeah, right. I'm really starting to hate the bullshit that comes along with being an actor. Who knows, then?  
James: Lily, of course, and Sirius.  
Audrey: and you trust Sirius, the twitterpated?  
James: That's not what-  
Audrey: I know, you know what I mean.  
James: He knows not to leak state secrets.  
Audrey: haha state secrets  
James: I'm just nervous about telling the rest of the family, especially dad.


End file.
